


The Thing About Being Young And Impulsive

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: ......Shit, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - No Band, Anxiety, Bad Ending, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Flirting, Friendship, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, I'm so sorry, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, My First Work in This Fandom, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Panic Attack, Possibly Unrequited Love, Schizophrenia, Self-Denial, Swearing, Teenage Dorks, Triggers, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love, basically i'm lazy and i suck bye, bisexual josh though, catsitting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-07 11:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4262262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I just met you five minutes ago," Tyler stated, matter-of-factly. The other boy nodded slightly as if to say 'and?' Tyler wet his lips and spoke again, "I don't even know your name."</p>
<p>"Josh," He responded without an ounce of hesitation, and his lips containing something of a smirk. "Josh Dun." He repeated.</p>
<p>(Previously 'Won't Fall In Love With Falling')</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just a typical day in the life of a Tyler. Well, except for one minor thing.

The garish morning sun blared through the bedroom window of 16-year-old, Tyler Joseph. The brightness condemned his delicate eyelids and the groggy boy groaned upon waking. He dragged himself out of bed and approached the window, almost robotically, yanking the drapes together to block the unforgiving rays of the sun. He thought he must have forgotten to close them last night while he was viewing the tragically light-polluted sky. He sometimes did that when he couldn't sleep, only he usually would have walked to the forest near his home to stargaze or just listen to nature, but he couldn't do it that night. He could hear his brother awake downstairs, watching some movie with his friend, and he wasn't about to have him suspicious or worried about him. Tyler didn't know how to tell Zack that it sometimes helped him to relax; it kept him out of his own head, even if for only mere minutes until they returned like an impending tidal wave crashing into his brain. Sometimes it made it worse, but Tyler could tell when was a good or bad time to go out to the forest. He wasn't sure how exactly, he just could. He wasn't sure about a lot of things.

After rolling back into his messy bed, dark eyes remaining open, Tyler glanced at the small digital clock on his wooden nightstand. The bright red numbers read "6:09 A.M." It was Thursday, June 12th. Tyler reached over and clicked on his radio so his mind would be occupied; distracted. He liked the radio; he enjoyed music, really. Kind of like the way he enjoyed stargazing at night in the forest. 

It didn't quite register in his brain the song that was currently playing, he just wanted background noise. He tuned in now, actually listening, and recognized the tune. "Blood Bank" by Bon Iver. He turned it up a little and stared at his ceiling, head supported by his arms behind his neck. A few songs came and went and he checked the clock again.

6:36 A.M. this time. Tyler's inner conscience was awake now. _Maybe I can call in sick so I can just lay here all day._ He thought about it, considering his options. After a few minutes, he decided against it and slipped into a pair of khaki pants, slightly wrinkled, along with a plain black work shirt. He wasted no time getting himself together and was out the door with a blueberry breakfast muffin and a capri sun in hand. All by 7:02 A.M.

It wouldn't have taken him so long if it weren't for his mother. She almost _always_ made sure he took something for breakfast, and wasn't afraid to call him out and make him bring something. "You are a growing boy, Tyler!" She would always say that. Sometimes she was too much of a mother, not that it really mattered to him. She was a genuinely good person, just a little overbearing at times. Regardless, Tyler  _almost_ always did take something for breakfast so as to avoid any further nagging/lectures on the importance of breakfast for the "growing teen's body and mind."

. . . . . .

The drive hadn't been as bad as Tyler expected it to be. Usually there was a bit of morning traffic - not too much, but just enough to make him late - though today he must have left at just the right moment in time, because the roads were fairly accessible and he arrived in a breeze. He pulled into the small parking lot of "Lava Java Cafe" at 7:23 A.M. and parked. His car was crooked in the employee parking space, not that he really cared what anyone thought about his crap parking job. Not like it was a 5-star restaurant or anything. Just a small town coffee joint, so Tyler wasn't really worried.

It was still early, and Tyler didn't have to go in until 7:30. He reached into his glove box and fumbled around crumpled up receipts, rubber bands, a few extra tree-shaped car fresheners, and a tiny container of mints. Finally after groping around for a few seconds, he pulled out a half empty pack of Marlboro 72's. He slid one out and tossed the pack into the glove box, and shutting it.

_Sev enm inute s offyo ur pa theti clif e n ow... L ooksl ike you' redoin g my j obf or m e._

It was the voices again. He tried to ignore it, but it continued to coo horrible things in his ear. He looked at his red lighter in the cup holder and without a second thought, he picked it up and lit his cigarette. As he placed it between his lips, the voice spoke, louder this time.

_Yo u're wea k. Yo u ares o d isgusting. Yo ur motherw ould h ate yo u if sh e k new ab outt his. Wha tkind ofb rother ar e yo u?_

Tyler tried to ignore the voices and took a drag from the cigarette, holding the smoke in his lungs for a few moments, then exhaling slowly. In that moment, it made him feel insubstantial. He took a few more shorter drags.

_Yo u're wearin ga sho rtsleev eshirt. Ever yon ewill seey our sc ars an dbe disgu s ted._

"Stop," Tyler barely managed to whisper, his voice cracking a little.  _Why is this monster inside of me?_ He thought, desperate for some kind of answer to just fall from the heavens.

_Yo uar e them onster, yo u arem e._

Tyler thought about that. And he believed it. Suddenly, the car door was opened by some outside force and Tyler's mind was spinning and all he could hear was the voice in his head screaming - MONSTE R,MONST ER, M ONSTER,, M ONSTER. _  
_

And then a familiar voice. He wasn't sure it was real. "Tyler! What the hell are you doing?" 

Suddenly the voices inside of him subsided and he could hear the voice laugh before stopping fully. Tyler only then realized the car was completely smoked up, and someone was yanking him out by his shoulders. He was lightheaded when he stood up. "Tyler!" It was Chris; he was an employee at the cafe too. "Are you fucking deaf?"

"I -" The shaken boy began to form words though he had no idea what he was going to say. He was sweating bullets.

"You're fucking late. Should have been in here ten minutes ago, you asswipe. You aren't better than any one of us just because you decide to smoke it up in your ugly-ass beat up car instead of doing your fucking job like the rest of us!" Chris snapped, his voice deep and intimidating. He wasn't a fan of Tyler to begin with. Maybe it was because the girl who worked there - maybe her name was Sara or Sarina, something like that - constantly flirted with Tyler and maybe Chris had feelings for her, or maybe he just enjoyed being an asshole. There was no way to be certain. Tyler just tolerated it, there was no reason to pick a fight with a guy like him. He had a buzz cut, coarse hands, and gauges. Not the guy you'd want to mess with, Tyler had decided.

Deep green eyes pierced Tyler's insides like a dagger and then he just spun around, walking back to the cafe entrance with the other following suit.

Tyler decided he already hated the world today.

 No, he just hated his mind. 

. . . . . .

 The cafe wasn't particularly busy that day. It was about average, Tyler thought; the only real hustle-and-bustle took place between 8 and 9:30 in the morning. Then it tended to be less occupied. Sure enough, it was so. 

"Hello, how are you today?" Tyler would say to every customer with a warm, welcoming smile spread across his face. "What would you like to get today?" There were usually one of two people who ordered coffee. Either you were the one who recited their order straight from memory, not failing one detail, or you were the one who took five _solid_ minutes to read over the entire menu whilst asking questions, and another five to make a decision. Tyler didn't really mind, though. He had patience. 

Tyler especially liked the atmosphere of the cafe. Maybe it was cliche, but he loved the smell of warm pastries and the robust smell of fresh brewed coffee. He found it comforting. The cafe was just a pleasant place to be, minus Chris The Major Asshole. Just being in that place was like getting a really good, tight hug. Even the customers were polite and refined people. He liked seeing people like that still existing in this world.

When there were less people crowding for coffee, Tyler slipped out his phone and looked at the time. It was 3:00 P.M. He just had to work for thirty minutes, then he could leave for the day. Tyler observed the people sitting down, sipping their tea or coffee. Then he heard Chris shout his name. "Hey, come take this customer over here, I'm gonna break." Sara/Sarina followed him out through the back door labeled "emergency exit only". Then it was just Tyler. He didn't particularly mind it, though. It could have been worse, plus he didn't have to be pinned down by Chris' soul-stealing glare for that much longer. They didn't leave him with loads of customers, either, so he wasn't worried about it.

The customer stood patiently a few feet away from Tyler, just beyond where the other cash register was located. He could have asked the guy to move to the other cash register, but he didn't feel it was very professional - not that a coffee shop was professional, but you had to have some manners - so he tread over to the other cash register and smiled. 

"Hello, sir, how are you doing today?" Tyler beamed, running his fingers through his brown hair, pushing it from his forehead.

"I'm doing well, thank you." His voice was kind of raspy until he immediately cleared his throat. He appeared to feel awkward after that.

"Great. What can I get for you today?" Tyler blinked intently at the other boy standing adjacent him.

"Hm. What would you recommend?" He asked, his lips turning to a tiny smirk.

Tyler had to think about that. It wasn't a question he was often asked. "Well, the caramel latte is a popular choice. I'd probably recommend that,"

"Sure, that sounds good."

"Okay, that'll be two dollars and four pennies. It'll be ready in just a minute." The customer smiled in a way no one had smiled at Tyler before. It confused him but he figured it was just something he was overanalyzing. He did that a lot. It proved to be very inconvenient, so he mainly avoided that. Tyler headed to the fresh brewed coffee and poured a cup, then precisely poured milk into it, stirred quickly and carefully, and swiftly went to the nozzles containing the sweet, sugary cream. They were well-known in the little town for the sole purpose of that cafe and its outstanding taste that the cream's recipe delivered the coffee. Tyler was an expert at pouring the coffee and creating wonderful cups of different flavors. There was no doubt that he could do it with his eyes closed. Maybe that was why Chris hated him with such a passion. Maybe he was jealous of Tyler. Not that it mattered. 

Lastly, Tyler added the caramel dexterously on top of the foam building on the top of the coffee. The caramel was drizzled in the shape of a star. He returned to the customer, who was staring at him intently, eyes bright. There was something about his eyes that made Tyler wish he were as beautiful as that man. Tyler handed him the coffee and when their hands brushed together just slightly, he felt something deep down. He didn't know what the feeling was, he was never good at being able to identify what his feelings were, but he could tell he had never had this particular feeling before. It was a mystery to him. 

The customer placed two dollars on the counter and stood there, digging with one hand for change in his pockets. "Why four cents?"  His voice was smooth, rich. Tyler wanted to listen to him speak more. He thought he would be a great person to read those audio books.

"What?" He responded. 

"Four cents. Why four? Why not a solid 2 bucks, or an extra 25 cents? Why not something easy?" He said, his tone sounding half-serious, and half-smartass. _What an interesting thing to say_. The brown eyed man grinned down at his pockets as he dug for coins.

"I've... never thought about that." Tyler paused and said, "Probably taxes." He wished he had said something more witty, something more interesting. Maybe he just couldn't think like that. He envied the brains of interesting and fun people. He wanted to be interesting and fun. He wanted to be liked. 

The silence was short, broken by the other boy. "Taxes." 

_Id iot._ A whisper in Tyler's ear. He was silent, somehow terrified that he heard the voice say it. Or worse, maybe the customer had been the one to say it. Or somehow the thoughts of the guy digging for change had been translated to Tyler's brain randomly and he would have to stand there and pretend he didn't just read the other's mind. Then he realized maybe he was being a little over the top. So he stopped thinking.

"Here," The customer placed another dollar on the table, obviously giving up on fishing for change that wasn't even there. He examined Tyler for a moment and peered at the nametag pinned to his uniform on the left side. "Keep the change, _Tyler_ ," And with that he grinned innocently at Tyler. He didn't know what to say other than a small "thank you." Then he felt stupid.

"Can I ask your full name?" 

"Uh, it's Tyler Robert Joseph. Why do you ask?"

"Tyler Robert Joseph," The brown-eyed guy repeated and paused, seeming to be contemplating something in that head of his. Tyler waited for him to say something else. He didn't know how to respond. If it were possible to read minds, he wouldn't have minded reading chapters of this guy's thoughts. 

"How would you like to do me a favor?" The dark haired boy inquired quite abruptly. Tyler was taken aback, and before he even had the chance to think about what just occurred, the other boy interrupted his thoughts. "You see, I'm going to visit my aunt in the hospital this Saturday... I was just wondering if you would mind, uh, watching over my cat for me? You know, just make sure she's fed and all that fun stuff. She's an angel, I promise."

How could he possibly argue that? He wasn't about to get in the way of a guy just trying to see his sickly aunt. Yet still, he was skeptical about the boy's reasoning. Didn't he have family members to do that? Friends, even? Why him? Tyler Joseph, a complete stranger, of all people to ask. For all he knew, Tyler could have be a mass murderer wanted in 6 different countries, or a crazed cat-napper.

"I just met you five minutes ago," Tyler stated, matter-of-factly. The other boy nodded slightly as if to say 'and?' Tyler wet his lips and spoke again, "I don't even know your name."

"Josh," He responded without an ounce of hesitation, and his lips containing something of a smirk. "Josh Dun." He repeated.


	2. Thursday night - Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Josh actually has three cats.

Tyler couldn't keep his mind off of the whole situation at the café... and Josh. He was so amazingly trusting, just like that. Right off the bat. He couldn't tell whether it was a bad trait or a good one. Maybe he was still naive and believed that everyone in the world was harmless and good. He thought about Josh's eyes. He was certain that if you looked deep enough, you could find the answers to all of life's mysteries. It was an odd feeling to harbor for one completely mortal person. Tyler didn't understand it. He let it find its way to the back of his mind and went about his business. He didn't want to think about anything right now; at least not about things he wasn't sure he understood. All he was sure of at this point was that he had gotten the boy's name, mobile phone number, address, and a job as his paid cat-sitter for a day, all within less than fifteen minutes. 

. . . . . .

The ceiling was staring Tyler down when he went to lay down in his bed later that night. It felt like the ceiling was going to split down the middle and a gang of shadowy figures would seep out and drag the innocent boy away with them, clawing at his skin in search of bones or his human heart.

The voice in his head was gradually becoming louder and louder all over again. They were always especially loud at night. His little nightstand radio broke, the old thing refused to turn on. Nothing could mask the relentless sound of the voice screaming and wailing.

Tyler sat up, his body felt limp and nonexistent. He plucked himself haphazardly out of bed and dragged his feet down the stairs. The stairs creaked only very slightly on the way down. They were whining, telling him to stay. But he couldn't.

G eto ut of h er e,GE T O UT,G E TO U T.

Tyler slid cautiously out the front door door, shutting it behind him with barely a peep. The dark night atmosphere greeted him with the sound of crickets chirping away, hidden somewhere clever, and the tree's leaves were whispering in the cool summer air. The breeze felt nice. It was satisfying. Tyler hung his head low, hands in pockets, the black hood draped over his head, and he walked on. The path he walked to the forest was not an unfamiliar one. He barely had to look where he was going. It was like walking into his own home, knowing every twist, every turn, and every landmark.

Nature was a profound thing. Nature was forgiving. Nature was orderly; it was tough and fierce, yet delicate in the same instant. It was spontaneous. It was beautiful. Tyler loved it with a passion because nature was all of the things that he was not. He envied nature and her amazing qualities. 

Ge t outof her e,yo u de se rvet o d ie.

Piec eof shi t.

Fr eak.

E ver yone w oul dbe bett eroff witho ut y ou he re.

Tyler cringed at the voice. It made him want to scream at the top of his lungs. He wanted to rid his lungs of air, and crush the demon inside of him. He wanted to drown himself in the creek about a mile from where he was. And the worst of it all, was that it wasn't lying. Everything it stated was truth to Tyler. No one needed him. He looked down at the dry brush and faintly felt a droplet roll from his eye down his cheek, leaving behind a thin wet trail. Without hesitation, the boy rubbed the tear away with the back of his hand. 

We a k.

The voice continuously whispered, tormenting him. Tyler tried to focus on his surroundings. It felt like a black and white silent movie, besides the whispering of the leaves in the trees. The tree branches were disguised as lanky, thin, inky arms. The ground looked like a sink hole, ready to drag him into the earth at any given moment. The night air breathed on the boy's neck, and he felt a chill crawl up his spine, which caused him to shiver. 

His legs felt weak, so Tyler sat down and propped himself up against a thick old tree. There was once a time when Tyler was a boy - just a child - of five or six, and he would visit that same spot. His father had built him a tire swing on that tree, but it was torn off by a wild storm one night, the rope couldn't take it. He recalled that he liked to sit on it in every way that wasn't a proper way to sit in a tire swing. Those were the good ol' days; way back when when life was a kind stranger. When he was still learning to ride his bicycle and had a bedtime every night and played basketball with his dad - his dad always let him win and Tyler felt so accomplished and happy because he didn't know any better. He longed to be five or six again.

He let his mind wander, and he pondered of the earth and of human emotions and of the universe and everything else beyond his realm of comprehension. He imagined the air whispered in a some unknown language and it probably harbored all of those inscrutable secrets, quintessential information that one would have only dreamt of knowing in the entire span of their lifetime. He thought they would also have been found in a place deep in Josh's eyes. 

. . . . . .

Tyler was woken up on Saturday morning by the sound of his phone ringing incessantly. His body flopped over to his other side and he groped around the messy bedsheets for the source of the shrill ringing. The cold device brushed against his hand and he raised it to his ear, answering the call. 

"Hello?" He croaked, voice still hoarse with sleep. 

"Hey! Rise and shine, sleepy head! Why aren't you awake yet?" It was unmistakably the voice of Josh on the receiving end. He sounded like he'd been awake for a while. Either that, or he was just a morning person. 

"Hm?" Tyler sat up in bed, still living in the half-asleep, half-awake state. He hunched over to relax his spine. "I am awake," He muttered, mid yawn. He glanced at the clock. 8:42 A.M.

Josh let out a little laugh. "Yeah, now you are. What time can you get over here?"

"Well, I'm still waking up, I may need a minute or two to, uh,..." His voice grew quiet and he drifted into sleep as his muscles softened and he relaxed himself back into his warm pillow. He couldn't help himself. A good night's sleep was a rare occurrence and they were always so very few and far between. 

"Tyler?" 

"Yeah?" With the sound of his name in his ear, he sprung back up in his bed, trying (and failing) to sound alert. He slung his legs over the side of the bed, just to be sure he wouldn't fall back asleep.

"Come over when you can. I'd like to leave soon. Take your time."

"Gotcha. Be there soon." 

"I owe ya one, Tyler. See you soon." Click. The call was over before Tyler could say even a word more. A small smile crept onto his lips, and he couldn't seem to stop himself. It was nice to be appreciated. He appreciated Josh, but worried that maybe he wasn't really pure. Maybe Josh was nothing but a figment of his imagination, his mind out to sabotage himself. There was no way that someone could be so pure and beautiful and good as Josh was. But Tyler liked to believe there was.

. . . . . .

9:14 A.M. and Tyler was climbing into his trusty old car. He found Josh's place by 9:39 A.M. and knocked ever so carefully on the great wooden door. It was beautiful; the design was original and carved intricately into the rich mocha brown wood. The wood appeared glossy, like it had just been painted. 

The door opened and Josh's face greeted him with a friendly smile. His smile was the kind that you could see travel into his eyes in unison with his lips. That was how you knew someone's happiness was true. "Hi," Tyler breathed. Josh smelled nice, or maybe it was the violet hydrangeas blossoming in the front garden. It really was a lovely garden. Someone obviously worked hard to keep it looking prim and proper. 

"Come on in," Josh smiled and the creases in his cheeks made Tyler smile back. 

He entered the house and immediately examined everything, eyes shifting to notice the little details about the interior. The floor was hardwood and smooth. Shiny, too. A decent sized house, not too cramped and not too spacious. It was cozy. 

A small brown-auburn colored kitten scampered across Josh's toes and chuckling lightly, he bent down to scoop the kitten up. "This is Marlen. She's a sweetheart, you'll love her; I know she'll just adore you." There was a brief pause. "So, uh, before I go –" Before Josh could complete his sentence, two cats bounced simultaneously down the stairs, one black and the other white. They were bigger than Marlen. 

The two boys each looked at the cats, and then exchanged glances. The cats rubbed affectionately against Tyler's pant leg, purring softly.

Tyler chortled and shook his head, squatting down to pet the black cat. "Looks like your daddy's busted," Josh stayed silent, stroking Marlen's fluffy pelt. 

"So how many more of these are hiding around?"

"Just these ones." Josh immediately turned on the charm and his shining brown eyes gave off the I'm-completely-innocent-please-don't-hate-me look. 

"You sure about that?" Tyler raised an eyebrow suspiciously, smirking. 

Josh chuckled at that remark. "Yes, Tyler, I'm sure." He paused for a second. "I'm sorry. I just... didn't want you to say no. I thought you might get overwhelmed by more than one cat," 

"You barely know me, how could you possibly think that? I could've be allergic to cats for all you know." Tyler smirked, scratching the black cat's chin. 

Josh rolled his all-knowing, inky brown eyes. His eyes seemed to harness their very own language, just like the air. "Touché."

. . . . . .

Josh had left, so Tyler found a place on the couch to kick back. He discovered that was shamelessly in love with Josh's cats. He laid on the long couch, the auburn-brown cat, Marlen, sleeping heavy on his chest as it rose and sunk in accordance to his breaths. 

The other two cats, Yin and Yang, were napping on the floor beside him, with their backs to each other. Tyler couldn't tell if it was cliché or interesting that they were named Yin and Yang, like the Chinese symbols.

Not long after, Tyler nearly nodded off while stroking the kitten's fluffy cotton-soft cheeks. He vegged out on the couch for a while, watching crime television shows. At least a few hours later had passed when the front door opened and Josh entered. The cats sprung up and darted to greet him. Tyler followed suit. 

"Hi, sweethearts," Josh's voice rose an octave or two when he spoke to the cats. It was obvious they adored him, as they stuck to him like magnets. "Thanks for watching 'em." 

"No need to thank me, it was no trouble." And that was the end of it.

. . . . . . 

Tyler laid face up in bed, staring at his ceiling, just thinking, when his phone sounded a short ding. He reached for it and unlocked it. A notification popped up:

New chat with spooky jim!

spooky jim: tyler. robert. joseph. 

spooky jim: it's josh

tyler: Yes?

spooky is typing...

spooky jim: so quick question

tyler: Go ahead, shoot

spooky is typing...

spooky is typing...

spooky jim: would you be interested in maybe coming to a party at my friend's house tonight? 

tyler: Well I'd have to make time, what with the busy schedule I've got

spooky jim: are you being sarcastic right now? 

tyler: No, of course not

spooky jim: i have a feeling you're just screwing with me

tyler: You're correct

spooky jim: you're an ass. so i'll see you then?

tyler: See you then.  
read 9:04 P.M.


	3. Spinning Bottles Loaded With Unspoken Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh gets a little tipsy. Tyler sticks with a Capri Sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a shorter chapter due to lack of ideas, my apologies. Also sorry about your heart.

It was 10:00 P.M. as Tyler sipped at the tiny yellow straw stuck expertly into his Capri Sun pouch. He didn't drink alcoholic beverages with Josh and his "buds" and instead swapped shit-faced drunkenness for "100% All-Natural Fruit Juice." It was "Coastal Cooler" flavored, whatever that was supposed to be.

There wasn't an excessive amount of people who showed, just enough to have been loosely called a party. Tyler thought it was a glorified teenage get-together. Not that he really minded or anything, just an observation. He just scanned the room and eavesdropped on random strangers' conversations. He stood beside Josh, who was jesting with a small group of people who he'd introduced to Tyler when they first arrived. There was an assortment of people, and beer, though it didn't bother Tyler that the chatter made it difficult to hear himself think. Honestly, it was a much-needed break.

At once the prattle simmered down to a few mumbles when it was disrupted by the sound of some guy piping up, "Hey, listen up! Who wants to spin the bottle?"

Apparently he was attempting to stir up some brouhaha or something. And apparently it worked, because a few people whistled and some raised their beer can in agreement. A space was cleared on the crumb-and-stain-littered carpet in front of the couch. The guy who suggested it took an empty bottle and placed in in the middle as a group gathered and sat in a circular fashion.

"Tyler, come do it with me," Josh said, turned around so that he could maintain eye contact with him. In the excitement, Tyler didn't even realize that Josh left his side. Tyler hesitated for a second, but decided to redeem himself from the whole not-drinking-alcohol situation. "Sure."

Tyler tread over to the circle of people, who giggled and talked while they waited on the game to begin. Josh patted the carpet next to him, signaling Tyler to sit by him. The other boy obeyed, plopping himself down beside Josh.

The rules were simple:

1\. No lip-pecking. It has to be a proper smooch.

2\. Only on the lips. No cheek-action.

3\. No touching the bottle in mid-spin. You can't cheat your way through the game.

And it began on cue, like a shot of a gun into the air. The rule-making-guy spun first and everyone's eyes followed the rotating bottle. It began to slow down and stopped on some girl who had cherry-blossom colored hair. She blushed the color of her hair and leaned in to kiss the spinner in the middle of the circle. She retreated to her spot, giggling with her friends next to her as they whispered things in her ear, which made her blush even deeper.

Spin after spin after spin, nearly everyone had kissed each other at some point. Girls and guys, girls and girls, guys and guys. No one had backed out thus far. Josh had just been kissed by a blonde girl with shy eyes and a cute smile, so as per the unbendable-rules, Josh was up next to spin the bottle of fate. He grinned as if to implicit some assumption or thought shared by everyone in the circle excluding Tyler. Josh paused for a few quick moments, and the bottle began to whirl when his fingers released the bottle from his grip. It revolved gradually more slowly, seeming to carefully select its next hostage of the spinner.

Finally, it stopped after circling the group a few times, and the thin end of the bottle was pointed on Tyler. At first he was caught off guard. All eyes were on them. Tyler could hear voices but his brain didn't register their words. Josh turned, locking eyes with the other and Tyler felt paralyzed. He didn't know what he should do. Before he could even begin to fathom the situation, Josh ever-so-slowly leaned into Tyler's rosy lips, making sure he was given time to back out if he so pleased. Josh stole that kiss like it was his profession. Josh's hand somehow found its way onto the nape of the other boy's neck to secure him. Tyler's cheeks flushed a deep rose-red shade and he was thoroughly flustered.

"Sorry," Josh breathed so softly it was barely a whisper as he detached from the kiss. Even his eyes looked apologetic in the depths of his dark brown pupils.

Tyler was speechless. He was left feeling tingly all over and a strange feeling of somnolence covered over him like a thick duvet. He felt something flutter in the pit of his stomach, like a balloon were floating around in there, tickling his insides. Tyler declined his turn to spin, and though the game continued, his mind was distant from the present, stuck on the kiss. He barely knew this guy and yet he felt like he needed to know more of him. There was a brilliant quality that he harbored inside of those deep, voids for eyes he had.

Tyler glanced over to the dark haired boy next to him. He was smiling, but his eyes didn't seem as happy as he was letting on. He seemed to be avoiding Tyler's gaze. Tyler thought about what it would be like to know him more. To be able to have that feeling of significance. To have that sense of complete and utter connection to him was a bond that he rarely shared with anyone else. He wondered if Josh's opinion of him was anything like what Tyler felt for him. Tyler immediately slammed on the breaks of this thought train.

_No. Snap out of it, Tyler. You don't have feelings for him. He's just a friend. You just have a weird kind of fascination with your friend. And besides, who wouldn't be fascinated by him? It's nothing more than that, right?_

_. . . . . ._

Tyler strummed his ukulele to several tunes he'd memorized until his fingers felt as numb as he did. It was 2:57 A.M., he had just arrived home after people either started falling asleep/passing out or fumbling about and going down on each other in the middle of the living room. Josh didn't say anything else regarding the incident with the kiss, so Tyler refrained from doing so as well. Maybe it didn't mean anything to Josh. Just a friendly game of spin-the-bottle-and-then-kiss-your-friend-like-you-mean-it. He _did_ seem a tad tipsy, but not too much. Not that it mattered. Not that Tyler was still thinking about it.

A notification sounded on his phone laying next to Tyler's thigh as he sat Indian-style, ukulele in lap. He glanced at it when it lit up, judging whether or not it was a message important enough to reply to. And then he lifted it up.

new message from spooky jim!

spooky jim: tyler

tyler: Yes?

spooky is typing...

spooky jim: the thing that happened earlier

spooky jim: im sorry

tyler: It's okay. I understand. It was just a game.

spooky is typing...

spooky is typing...

spooky jim: yeah

spooky jim: of course

spooky jim: just a game

tyler: No harm, no foul, friend.

spooky is typing...

spooky jim: ok

tyler: Goodnight, Josh

spooky is typing...

spooky is typing...

spooky jim: goodnight. sleep well, tyler

read 3:13 A.M.


	4. Tyler accepts the truth about himself and Josh.

 

 

The next morning, it was raining. Droplets of rain danced on the glass of Tyler's bedroom window. The gentle pitter-patter sounded uniform as it collided onto the glass. Tyler's eyes fluttered open, greeting the rainy world. Tyler sat up and scanned the room. His younger brother was sleeping soundly on the opposite side of the shared room. He stood and opened the drapes slightly, inspecting the outdoor world. His normally deep chocolate eyes lit up to a brighter caramel shade when the light directly met them. He squinted and subsequently turned away, closing the drapes.

Glimpsing to his left, he could see his small digital clock. He could just make out the time. 8:22 A.M. Tyler let out a huff under his breath. He would have liked to sleep longer, but at least he managed to get some solid rest for a few hours. He scooped up his phone from his bed and checked it. No new messages. He slipped it into his pocket for safekeeping and walked down the stairs. The house seemed to have not yet awoken, because not a sound could be heard other than his cautious footfalls on the tiled kitchen floor. You could likely hear a pin drop at this hour. 

After inspecting the kitchen for any sign of his mother - she tended to wake up early, but she must have been sleeping in today - Tyler walked out to the living room, plopping himself haphazardly onto the couch, which absorbed his fall. He let out a tired groan and laid there on his backside momentarily.

Tyler rubbed the backside of his palms against his closed eyes until he saw blackness followed by a kaleidoscope of colors he couldn't even name. There was a runaway train behind his eyelids that boggled his brain in every way possible. The sensation of absence overwhelmed him. He felt like he was suffocating, almost as if there was an invisible hand clenched around his throat, trying to choke him right then and there. His body felt weightless and heavy as bricks in the same instance and it scared him. He hadn't gotten this disoriented feeling in a while, and he wasn't sure what was causing him to feel that way. Something stirred deep inside of him but he preferred to bury those unwanted emotions and ignore them. It was just easier that way.

Tyler stood slowly, feeling like some outside being now had obtained control of his body. He headed into the kitchen, searching for the sticky notes that his mother always kept on hand somewhere. He dug in a drawer and found the colorful sticky notes and peeled back a small blue tab. He plucked a pen from the dining table and scribbled a quick few words:

"Going out. Will be home soon. Sorry. Love you - Ty"

Tyler stuck it on the refrigerator, figuring his mother would be the first to discover it. She didn't usually ever approve of him leaving the house without announcing it beforehand, or consulting her, but he couldn't wait for her to wake. 

Tyler twisted the doorknob and pushed the door with precision and caution. He strolled out to his car parked in the street in front of his house. It was still drizzling, but the boy didn't really mind. In fact, he enjoyed rain. The atmosphere post-showers was therapeutic. And the rain... it was quite and gentle, yet had the potential to be loud and harsh. He felt he could relate. There was a delicate balance between good and bad rain. And mother nature was the ruler. The mystery of nature and her endless phenomena never failed to intrigue Tyler's interest. 

The car was slightly on the brisk side, but Tyler felt okay. He realized that he hadn't even changed his clothes. He was still clad in bunchy black sweatpants (a few stubborn stains still clung onto them) and his plain gray t-shirt.

_Well, too late to change now._

Tyler wasn't even totally clear on what the reasoning was, but he needed to go to Josh's house. Maybe they just needed to talk. He didn't really have a plan just yet. If he was honest with himself, he hadn't gotten that far into thought. He was drowsy and his body was thinking in place of him. 

The feeling he was getting felt similar to a what a mother describes when she "senses" her child is in danger. You don't even think, you just know somehow. There's an odd feeling bubbling in your stomach and you've just got to go make sure that everything's okay. That's how he felt.

. . . . . .

8:59 A.M.; Tyler stood at the door of Josh's house, debating when to knock. And then he did, twice. He hoped it had been loud enough to hear. A few moments passed and Tyler thought about knocking again, just to be sure, but before he could, the door opened. A tired, middle-aged woman – probably Josh's mother – greeted the boy at the door. "If you're looking to sell something, I'm not interested." She grumbled, yawning and beginning to close the door. 

"No, wait!" Tyler spat out suddenly, and the woman stopped the door, leaving it ajar. The boy tilted his head to see her and cleared his throat. This woman was rather intimidating. "I mean, uh, I'm here to see Josh?"

"One of Josh's friends, huh? Come in, then." She spoke half-heartedly, as if she just didn't feel like opposing it.

"Thanks," Tyler breathed softly with a nod of his head. 

"His room's downstairs. I don't know if he's awake yet," She muttered, walking up the stairs, seemingly to return to her slumber.

Tyler opened the door located in the hallway. It creaked loudly and there were wooden stairs leading down to what seemed to be the basement.

"Hello?" Tyler called, not too loudly as he tread down the stairs, each creaking under his weight. 

When he reached the bottom, Josh was there. He was standing there, clad in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist; it was obvious he had just showered. What really caught the other boy off guard was that Josh had some girl attached to his hip, kissing him. Tongue, teeth, and all; not at all modest. 

"Uhm," Tyler stood there, completely unsure of what to do, so he just stood still, shuffling his feet. He was struck silent and something in the pit of his stomach was acting up again. As soon as his presence was noticed, Josh removed his hand from around the girl's waist like she was a flame. 

"Tyler, what are you doing here?" Josh seemed to realize he was still in his towel and his face flushed. "I-I'll be right back!" He scurried to the bathroom and Tyler looked at the blonde haired girl. She looked like the girl from last night's party. 

"Well, this is kind of awkward. I'm gonna go... Tell  _my Joshie_  I said 'call me.'" The girl smirked, waved goodbye, and skipped out, carrying her tiny heeled shoes in one hand. 

Tyler had no idea how to react at this point He was now frozen in time, a tiny, unimportant speck in the universe. He felt small and weak, and his bones shook with a fear he couldn't clearly identify. He could feel his heartbeat thumping frantically inside of his chest.

Within mere seconds, Josh was out of the bathroom. His hair was still dripping wet, messy stray hairs flopped over onto his damp forehead. Tyler took a quick glance at Josh, scanning him from head to toe. He looked at the other boy's t-shirt. Some band name or something was plastered on the front side. Josh's wet body made the shirt stick to his chest slightly, though he didn't seem to mind it. 

Josh cleared his throat to break the awkwardly prolonged silence. "Um. I'm sorry, you stopped by at a bad time... any particular reason you came?" He pushed his wet, drooping hair from his eyes and looked intently at the other boy. 

Tyler felt a sinking feeling in his stomach that seemed to weigh him down. "Never mind... it's not a big deal," He started to walk towards the staircase and a hesitant hand grasped his forearm, then immediately retracted. "Tyler, wait,"

Tyler's eyes widened slightly, uncertain of what move to make next. Everything felt like the wrong move to make. He was walking – or tiptoeing, rather – on eggshells. He looked at Josh, pausing and awaiting for something to happen.

"I need to say something." Josh mumbled so quietly that Tyler questioned whether he even said anything.

"What?" Tyler took a step closer.

"That girl-" Josh started to say but he seemed to be searching for proper words to use. "When I was kissing her, Tyler..." He let out a shaken breath and spoke again. "When I was kissing her, I imagined that I was kissing you."

Tyler felt as it his lungs collapsed and all of the air exited his body in a single second. Josh looked at him and then looked away desperately searching for something to keep his eyes on. His digits were trembling at his side and he avoided the other boy's glance. Tyler moved closer to him and took the other's trembling hands into his own. Josh lifted his head slowly, and his gaze locked onto Tyler's. There was a kind of implicit connection between the two boys at that moment, and they seemed to communicate the incommunicable through their eyes alone.

Tyler caressed Josh's hands until they quivered only slightly against his own palms. "Whenever I'm with you, I feel like the world is bright again. You are like the sun to me, you give me the energy to keep going. I need it to function," Josh took a breath and continued, "I just - I know I haven't known you for the longest time but I get this vibe about you and I feel like I've known you for a lifetime. I'm sorry to be so forward. I don't expect anything from you when I say all of this. I just want you to know."

"Josh, you don't get it." Tyler muttered, breaking the eye contact between them. He was staring at his feet again. "I've got baggage,"

"Everyone has baggage." Josh replied, his brilliant brown eyes capturing Tyler's again. He reached and cupped Tyler's face momentarily with his hands.

Tyler leaned in ever-so-slowly, unaware of his surroundings. It felt as if he and Josh had been transported to another dimension, inhabited only by the two of them. They drew closer to each other, and Josh stopped Tyler.

"Are you sure?" He asked, looking the other boy directly in his eyes. Tyler's lips curled upward very minimally, but his eyes were certain. In what had seemed like an eternity later, Tyler swept in softly and gently for a kiss. Their lips touched reluctantly at first but soon thereafter, their lips linked as if they were two puzzle pieces connecting. The kiss felt like star pulses and tasted like honeydew and slightly like alcohol.

Tyler's lips formed a sultry smile against Josh's lips and they split apart. Josh cocked a brow at Tyler. "What are _you_ smiling about?"

"Just you," Tyler breathed and a smirk played on the other's lips.

"You're honestly such a dork."

"I know,"

"You know I love it, though." Josh said, ruffling the other's neat, inky hair.

Tyler chuckled and shook his head. "Yeah," Josh couldn't contain his smile at that point, and seeing that, a smile had already began to tug at the corners of Tyler's mouth. "I know."

Maybe that was just the thing about being young and impulsive. You don't truly know what you're feeling until you take the bull by the horns and figure it out. Tyler was never one to really dig deep into his emotions when he wasn't even sure if he could identify them from what lay on his surface. It was always easier to push it away, pretend it didn't exist. But once challenged physically, his true feelings revealed their colors, even if not through words. It was like the seemingly trivial feelings were pent up inside of him, trying to force their way out and once they break that barrier, the emotions just pour out like an uncontrollable water main break. Tyler was glad that they broke free, though. To stay the way he was, pretending he didn't have even an inkling of feelings for Josh, it could never work out. Now that it was out in the open, Tyler couldn't have been any more thrilled than he was in that moment. This was the start of something beautiful for them. Something they both needed in their lives to provide an outlet, something that made them happy, and that something just happened to be what they could see in each other.

"So how d'you think I should break it off with that blonde girl?" Josh asked.

Tyler simply shook his head and laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this chapter, I wasn't really planning to end it here but it was kind of rushed because I didn't want to take forever and also I had no idea how to unfold it like I wanted to so my apologies. Also, do forgive my lack of writing creativity and skill.


End file.
